Isn’t it a great feeling to be in the presence of someone you love and that loves you? To have great conversation, a few good laughs or even share some tears? How about just sitting in silence but knowing that the one you are sitting with understands you and accepts you? However, how would you feel if you were in a room with that same person but they never even looked your way. What if you were telling them how much you loved them but, they were preoccupied with something else? What would it be like to wrap your arms around that person, to let them know that you are there for them no matter what and they began to complain that they need more? Wouldn’t you feel irrelevant or insignificant? Of course you would! I would too!
Just recently, Sunday to be exact, I had an awesome experience, an experience that reminded me of how much I was loved, really, really loved. There were no words to be audibly heard. There were no physical gifts given. There was only the PRESENCE of God. I was completely wrapped in a blanket of love. The weight of His Glory felt like heaven had come down to meet earth and I was there in the midst of it. I was not alone in the room, I was in the middle of leading worship but it felt like I was alone in His Presence. I was reaching for my daddy because I wanted Him to know that I truly love Him. I took myself away from self-pity, from worldly stresses, from my own fleshly selfishness and just poured my love on Him with no strings attached. I put all my focus on Him and took the focus off of myself. In the midst of my worship, I realized how many times I had ignored Him as He spoke to me. I often expected from Him just because I felt like, “it was His job”. I complained of not being understood and feeling worthless at times, even though His Word clearly says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It also tells me how much He loves me and how He would never leave me or forsake me. In all my brattiness, still, He was patient with me. Still, He received my worship and in return, He poured His manifested presence down on me. That’s all it took, my surrender, my worship, my appreciation, recognizing Abba for who He is and not for what He does.
Although I have always loved worship, Sunday brought me to a new place in my worship. I became a desperate worshiper, a God Chaser. I will desperately chase after Him, not for things but just because I love Him and long to be in His presence. I don’t ever want to be that selfishness, unappreciative, complaining daughter again.