Tag Archives: Truth

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Yesterday I went with my hubby and granddaughter to the movies. Our plan was to take her to see Rio 2, however, it was sold out. Our second choice was, ‘Heaven is Real’. I actually wasn’t disappointed because I had been wanting to see it anyway. I went in with high hopes for the movie and left full of emotion and very pensive. It bought back so many great memories and also caused me sadness. Read the rest of this entry

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We are Sisters

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There was a time in my life when I always seemed to have friends. I always had those few that were my closest friends. I never had to walk a mall alone, go to lunch alone or see a girlie movie alone. It’s part of being a pastor. My husband (and pastor) and I have a great relationship but, just like he enjoys having his man time, I enjoy my girl time. Eric and I love going to dinner, seeing a good movie, walking, talking and laughing together (he still knows how to make me laugh). However, when he works on one of his mechanical projects or does yard work, he also enjoys that, but I do not. 

I have always been a social butterfly. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and realize that it was time with my thoughts and The Lord. Still, at sometimes, I feel lonely. I desire human interaction outside of the church building and my husband. He doesn’t enjoy, what he likes to call, “girlie” movies, looking at make-up, getting manis or pedis, or sharing crazy stories that only women like to share.

This designed path of mine makes it difficult to find another woman who understands my life. Often, the expectations of others, can be overwhelming. According to many, I shouldn’t have down days, weak or angry moments.There is a different kind of pressure placed on women like me, women who are pastors and or married to pastors.  There is a lack of support for us. A lack of fellowship between us. There are things we go through that only others  in our position can understand. Sadly, you won’t often find a group of female pastors spending time together outside of ministry. Rarely, do you see them sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee, chatting or just enjoying a day together. The truth is, you don’t often find us leaning on one another for moral support, good advice, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to share great news with. 

It really is a sad situation. I know how alienated I sometimes feel so, there must many more out there feeling the same. We always offer ourselves to be a sounding board or a word of wisdom to our congregation members. Is it too difficult for us to be that to one another? We should be praying for each other. We should be building the Kingdom of God, here in earth as it is in Heaven, together. We should not worry about sheep steeling. We should not covet or be jealous of one another. When you are blessed, I am blessed. We are sisters!

An Instrument

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I am an instrument

not made of silver or gold.

I am an instrument

not made of wood or brass.

I am an instrument

not for hands to hold and strum.

I am an instrument

not for man to bang or blow.

I am an instrument

with a unique sound of my own.

I am an instrument

with a voice and a tone.

I am an instrument

 like the sun, my worship

does rise.

I am an instrument

to be enjoyed by the Lord.

It suddenly hit me. Revelation. The depths of my praise. The heights of my worship. Not just words but, life. Every note, every sound, every phrase. All of it. My praise and my worship opens the shut doors. My praise and my worship, create windows in the heavens for blessings to pour down. As I surrender my song to Abba, He stands up from His throne. He smiles. He dances over me like the waves dance in the sea. He responds with a song. A song just for me. The Words are not heard but felt like rain upon my face or a kiss on my cheek. He covers me in peace that surpasses all understanding. He answers my questions and calms my fears. His love is unstoppable and unending. forever more I will sing my song of praise. My worship will never stop. I am an instrument to be played for Him.

 

 

Chasing Desperately After Him

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Isn’t it a great feeling to be in the presence of someone you love and that loves you? To have great conversation, a few good laughs or even share some tears? How about just sitting in silence but knowing that the one you are sitting with understands you and accepts you? However, how would you feel if you were in a room with that same person but they never even looked your way. What if you were telling them how much you loved them but, they were preoccupied with something else? What would it be like to wrap your arms around that person, to let them know that you are there for them no matter what and they began to complain that they need more? Wouldn’t you feel irrelevant or insignificant? Of course you would! I would too!

Just recently, Sunday to be exact, I had an awesome experience, an experience that reminded me of how much I was loved, really, really loved. There were no words to be audibly heard. There were no physical gifts given. There was only the PRESENCE of God. I was completely wrapped in a blanket of love. The weight of His Glory felt like heaven had come down to meet earth and I was there in the midst of it. I was not alone in the room, I was in the middle of leading worship but it felt like I was alone in His Presence. I was reaching for my daddy because I wanted Him to know that I truly love Him. I took myself away from self-pity, from worldly stresses, from my own fleshly selfishness and just poured my love on Him with no strings attached. I put all my focus on Him and took the focus off of myself. In the midst of my worship, I realized how many times I had ignored Him as He spoke to me. I often expected from Him just because I felt like, “it was His job”. I complained of not being understood and feeling worthless at times, even though His Word clearly says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It also tells me how much He loves me and how He would never leave me or forsake me. In all my brattiness, still, He was patient with me. Still, He received my worship and in return, He poured His manifested presence down on me. That’s all it took, my surrender, my worship, my appreciation, recognizing Abba for who He is and not for what He does.

Although I have always loved worship, Sunday brought me to a new place in my worship. I became a desperate worshiper, a God Chaser. I will desperately chase after Him, not for things but just because I love Him and long to be in His presence. I don’t ever want to be that selfishness, unappreciative, complaining daughter again.

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My Life Saver

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I was dragging a tremendous weight that was trying to pull me low.
Emotionally, I felt like a soap bubble floating,
fragile and ready to burst.
I was wrapped up in a blanket of heaviness
Pain and sorrow screaming in my ear,
” you can’t! you won’t! Never! Impossible!”
The light seemed so far away
darkness so close at hand.
“Help Me, oh Lord!” I screamed
Suddenly, in a moment,
Like a rushing wind against my skin,
I heard a voice, soft yet loud,
Tender and oh, so powerful!
“Lift up your eyes and look into the sky”
I opened my eyes and focused my attention above.
The beauty I saw was mesmerizing.
The sun was setting in the horizon.
The clouds were gently sitting in the sky.
Hues of color illuminating against the heavens,
Like a fiery storm of art work exploding before me.
Peace, peace, peace filled me
like a mighty rushing river, it quenched my longing.
Truth revealed His presence to me and
All my fears dissipated like a wind blown fog.
My doubts and worries began to fade away.
Again, the voice sounded from within my being,
“Who can paint the sky to greet the night?”
“Who can cause the trees to dance in praise?”
“Who can speak to the impossible and make it possible?”
“Who gives a dream and then makes it reality?”
“Who turns sorrow into joy?”
“Who gives beauty for ashes and strength for tears?”
Overwhelmed by pure love, I answered:
“Only You, Lord. Only You!”
In a breath, He lifted away the heaviness.
I no longer felt the weight pulling me low.
The darkness that encompassed me,
Was overtaken by His light.
I was free, cleansed, lifted from a low place
And set upon a mountain of faith and surety.
The blanket that now surrounds me
Is Revelation and truth!
I can boldly say;
“I am secure in You, Lord! I am secure in You!”

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