I Did It!

I contemplated for a long time. I did research. I checked blogs, pictures and Youtube. I googled every possible question, like; how do I transition? Is it difficult to transition? Is it a good idea to transition? I asked my mother, who has beautiful white hair, what she thought and most importantly, I asked my husband how he would feel about me letting my grey hair grow out? There was no resistance. I was pretty surprise and very happy that Eric (my hubby)said, “go for it!” So, I did!!

To be very honest, not only was I tired of having to color my hair every two weeks because my shiny silvers would grow way too fast, but I was also having to deal with the damaging side effects of the chemicals on my hair and skin. However, it turned out to be much more than that. It has also become just one step closer to being ME. For so long (since I was 19) I hid a part of myself behind color. I was a brunette, a red head and even a near-blond. I had light hair, bright hair and dark hair. Under all the layers of color, I hid.

Taking a step of boldness and faith was not easy because, I have always cared about what others thought of me. As fast as my hair grew, I knew it would not grow fast enough for me to avoid the awkward stages my hair would go through or the awkward looks I would receive.

The first 3 months, I wore my hair in styles that were pulled up, more often than down. As you can see from the picture above, it actually looked as if I were losing hair. During this time I had to keep myself motivated by looking at pictures of other women who had transitioned from color to grey.

Some days, I thought, “This doesn’t look so bad” and other days I wanted to hide but I didn’t! I was watching a metamorphosis take place. It wasn’t just my hair that was changing, but I’ll leave that for another blog post……I remained patient and, unlike so many times in the past, I looked past my discomfort and the wierd looks. I just let the transition take place. My hair is the topic of many questions, stares and comments. I would have never guessed the amount of people that love it and tell me, they also want to grow out their grey. All I say is, GO FOR IT!!! I did it!!

 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Almost A Half Century

I’m 4 months away from 50. In my own head, I’m still thirty-something. However, reality slaps me in the face when I look in the mirror. I see things that I didn’t see a few years back. It seems there has been a crow dancing around my eyes. Lines are beginning to form on my once firm face. The pigment in my hair has completely disappeared and my body thermometer has blown a fuse, but I am not complaining!

Turning 50 will be great! It will be a testimony of the many lessons I have learned and been able to teach. Every line on my face is just part of God’s artwork. My Silver hair, a representation of time, struggle, transition and wisdom. Every hot flash; a reminder that the fire of God burns within me. You see, I have decided that this year is and will be a very important year in my life; not because I will be a half century old (wow) but because I have had a half century of life lessons and experiences. I have so much to share!

My life has not been perfect but it has been wonderful! Wonderful because I am very blessed! I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband and great children! I’m blessed because the Lord faithfully continues to teach me and lead me! I’m blessed because, I have finally gotten revelation of how important it is for me to love myself! “Why?” You wonder. Well, because if I don’t love myself, then I can’t love God. God is love and He dwells inside of me. I’ve also learned that true love is always honest and sometimes it brings correction which can sometimes be painful! I refuse to be afraid of the pain because, as they say, “no pain, no gain!” So, as I prepare to “live it up” right in and through 50, I offer you this:

Love the Lord and love yourself! Focus on all the wonderfully positive things about you! Look at yourself in the mirror daily and say, “God made you very special and today I am going to take good care of you!” Now, go and make every moment count! Today is a great day!

 

 

 

 

My Silver

I can not put a value on the silver I have. I’ve paid with my life in order to “own” it. I will no longer hide it or disguise it. I’m going to show it off, share it with the world and be proud of it!

How Do I Find The Words?

How I wish I could take my pen in hand and write words that express how I feel about you.
Words that speak of Your Awesome Wonders.
Words of praise for your Majestic Splendor and Magnificent Beauty!

How do I declare my gratefulness for Your Grace and My appreciation for Your Mercy?
It is difficult to articulate, how Your Love overwhelms me!

How do I show esteem for Your Glory?
What words do I use to give reverence to Your Holiness?
Are there sufficient words to explain Your Righteousness?

WONDERFUL, MARVELOUS, BEAUTIFUL,MAJESTIC, HOLY, RIGHTEOUS AND GOOD, ARE YOU LORD!

I PRAISE YOU, MAGNIFY YOU AND LIFT YOU ON HIGH! I EXALT YOU, WORSHIP YOU AND SURRENDER TO YOU! I LOVE YOU, ADORE YOU AND LONG FOR YOU, LORD!

YOU ARE SAVIOR, REDEEMER, HEALER, PROVIDER! YOU ARE BEGINNING! YOU ARE ENDING! YOU ARE THE MIRACLE MAKER, AND THE WAY MAKER! YOU ARE PEACE! YOU ARE JOY! YOU ARE LOVE!

How do I find the words????

Transition

*Transition- movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.*

Things are transitioning in my life and it is exciting but also a little frightening. Anytime I am pulled from my comfort zone, it makes me nervous because the process of getting to that “new place” can sometimes be a little bumpy. However, I am confident that it will be worth it!

Two nights ago I could NOT sleep. Usually, I have no problem falling asleep. As a matter a fact, I could fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, while doing a head stand, if I’m sleepy. However, no matter how hard I tried, sleep would not come. I had so many thoughts and questions going through my head. So, I had a very intense conversation with the Lord. Suddenly, within my spirit I heard Him say;

“It is time to change the way you speak about yourself and how you see yourself. Stop contradicting what I say about you and how I see you”.

His words hit me like bricks. My tears started pouring out. It wasn’t a normal cry that makes your nose run and your lips curl and quiver. It was as if He was emptying me to make room for something. I knew there was a work being done inside of me. A change was taking place.

As humans, we all have a perception of ourselves and I believe it is developed very early In our lives. If I had to guess, I would say as early as elementary school. My parents have always spoken positive things over me and made me feel important and love but, they were not always able to keep me from those who felt the need to ostracize and bully me for being multiracial. Hence, a negative self-perception was birthed. Apparently, so much of what they spoke into my life remained with me and I continued to allow negative words to taint how I felt about myself. Of course, I know how much the Lord loves me and how able He is to change situations, perceptions and people instantly. However, He often chooses a process that requires surrender, humility and willingness and I am willing! Where I am being taken requires that I walk in confidence always knowing and believing who I am in Christ and boldly speak as Holy Spirit directs me. Without doubt or fear.

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalms 19:14

Yesterday I went with my hubby and granddaughter to the movies. Our plan was to take her to see Rio 2, however, it was sold out. Our second choice was, ‘Heaven is Real’. I actually wasn’t disappointed because I had been wanting to see it anyway. I went in with high hopes for the movie and left full of emotion and very pensive. It bought back so many great memories and also caused me sadness.

BACK IN THE FIGHT!!

In the beginning, it all came so easy. I started Weight Watcher’s, changed my diet and began losing weight. I was feeling so good. I had more energy. I felt like I had finally conquered, what I call, “The thorn in my side”. After getting married and having children, I always seem to struggle with my weight. This time however, I really believed that the struggle was over. I even stood up before our church congregation and told them that I finally was in a place of victory and I wasn’t going back. WRONG!!!!! Without warning, I was completely blindsided! Like a boxer, in round 2, I was feeling a little weary and out of focus. Suddenly, I was hit with a left, then a right and BOOM, the uppercut made me weak at the knees and I was down for the count! “One, two, three…….”

MY SONG OF FREEDOM

I once lived a dreary life In a world where I could see no light lost in sin and so alone looking for love and affection Only to receive lies and deception In a moment of despair Your voice said, “I AM here” Like a prisoner set free The chains no longer kept me  Now I […]

There is No Cloud!

I find such peace and solace when I look at the sky. I love to capture the beauty of it on my cellphone camera. I am not a professional photographer, by any means. However, I would really enjoy spending a part of my day pretending that I am professional (Does a professional use a cellphone?).

It just seems that when I look up, I see artwork. I  see pictures in the clouds, the hues of the light, the sunbeams, the brightness of the moon against the night and the twinkling of the stars make up a story. Each story speaks to me. It ministers to the deepest parts of my heart.

On the day I took this picture, the sun was peeking out from behind the cloud. It reminded me that no matter how dark things may seem to be, all it takes is a little light to brighten things up. Jesus is the light of my life. Although, there may be times that I feel like darkness is trying to overtake me, Holy Spirit always reminds me that He is with me and then, I can see the light peeking out through my situation.

There is no cloud (problem, situation, etc.) that can keep the light (Jesus) out!

We are Sisters

There was a time in my life when I always seemed to have friends. I always had those few that were my closest friends. I never had to walk a mall alone, go to lunch alone or see a girlie movie alone. It’s part of being a pastor. My husband (and pastor) and I have a great relationship but, just like he enjoys having his man time, I enjoy my girl time. Eric and I love going to dinner, seeing a good movie, walking, talking and laughing together (he still knows how to make me laugh). However, when he works on one of his mechanical projects or does yard work, he also enjoys that, but I do not. 

I have always been a social butterfly. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and realize that it was time with my thoughts and The Lord. Still, at sometimes, I feel lonely. I desire human interaction outside of the church building and my husband. He doesn’t enjoy, what he likes to call, “girlie” movies, looking at make-up, getting manis or pedis, or sharing crazy stories that only women like to share.

This designed path of mine makes it difficult to find another woman who understands my life. Often, the expectations of others, can be overwhelming. According to many, I shouldn’t have down days, weak or angry moments.There is a different kind of pressure placed on women like me, women who are pastors and or married to pastors.  There is a lack of support for us. A lack of fellowship between us. There are things we go through that only others  in our position can understand. Sadly, you won’t often find a group of female pastors spending time together outside of ministry. Rarely, do you see them sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee, chatting or just enjoying a day together. The truth is, you don’t often find us leaning on one another for moral support, good advice, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to share great news with. 

It really is a sad situation. I know how alienated I sometimes feel so, there must many more out there feeling the same. We always offer ourselves to be a sounding board or a word of wisdom to our congregation members. Is it too difficult for us to be that to one another? We should be praying for each other. We should be building the Kingdom of God, here in earth as it is in Heaven, together. We should not worry about sheep steeling. We should not covet or be jealous of one another. When you are blessed, I am blessed. We are sisters!